today is the 26th and in exactly two months i will be 26 it is absolutely the craziest thing.
where are my babies? where is my houses? where is everything? oh my god, oh my god.
yours, amanda L. at 11:43:00 PM [+]
today is wednesday.
i learned how to solder, which i am extremely excited about. jason laferrera taught me how. i pulled the wires apart into red white and ground. i twisted them and added the melted metal and then the male or female end. i made microphone cords. yaaaay. i made them. you can use them, add the microphones, the electricity, they work.
april is getting faster/closer. fisherspooner and my sister's 23rd birthday my god!, and everyone moving to craigsville and me moving nowhere but oh i wish to richmond; karen is visiting for two days and i am visiting for two days and macrock is two days and then muna's 24th birthday for christ sake! on the 30th but before that, bright eyes in dc and don't i love that sad sad sad sad sad sad singing and do i mean---april----springtime--------------
yours, amanda L. at 11:38:00 PM [+]
a story that is for everyone.
i mean, later today when i have hours and hours of extra time i will be able to describe the people filling grace street from one side to the other, signs and drums and hollering like any other city we have travelled to, to participate in this, except now one looks around and it is richmond. and it is grace street; monument avenue. 2,000 people and i can't handle this, i can't believe it, and when all the yelling people reach the lee statue (lafff: we're gonna take this down now, right?) and there are GRTC buses lined up that say special in red electric-style letters on the front where they usually say ginter park or church hill, and at the thought of people being arrested into them----richmond! our city! i think i will absolutely lose my mind then and there and then suddenly muna hijazi grabs my arm and says
hey, isn't that that crazy guy? that used to live with eric miller? threw someones puppy off a bridge?
and when i look at where she is looking and it is six people in combat fatigues holding flags and pro-war banners. shawn o'hern and some other friends are yelling at them. one of them is holding a queer-looking sign that says besides ending fascism, communism, and slavery, what good is war? but it is written all funny with sloping serial-killer style letters that run all together and this is mildly strange but, but! what makes my jaw drop and my head swim is the fact that
a story that is for the 1996-era, particularly drew boyd, eric miller, and walker allen.
the boy holding the sign is jason byers. holding the sign. jason byers with a sign. holding it.
at which point the whole day, the day made up of yelling and euphoria and !we have free speech and we love free speech yes yelling yes marching yes turns into something even more perfect and mad that i could have comprehended. i walk around with my hands clamped over my mouth and laughing through my fingers and can't look at anyone and there is james parrish with a camera and katie parrish standing with the women in black, and its everything that is familiar and richmond and i all at once miss walker allen so tremendously that it is an cave-in in my chest and i wish so badly for there to be someone at this event that has known me from 1995-2003 and can appreciate that 2,000 people are hollering for peace around the lee statue and jason-fucking-byers is talking to the channel eight cameras with his crazy pro-war sign on poster board. it is a crystal moment and i have absolutely no one to share it with and it stays this way all evening, even as the kids return to monroe park and exhausted tireless jim straub yells the legal march ends here but hey we're all going to keep marching together if anyone wants to and police on horses and blue lights and springtime and muna, andrew bourne, jason laferrera and i run through the streets until dark and past dark with the drums and everyone and the chant 1 2 3 4 richmond is against the war okay so there i did describe it for you
yours, amanda L. at 1:05:00 PM [+]
painted things a pale green. flourescent red skirt. stopped by the garden, where mysterious things were going on. the tATu cd, with a cover of how soon is now, so strange. malchik gay. more and more. i put in my application to be a substitute teacher for the richmond city public schools. i bought a dress with three-quarter length sleeves in anticipation of this.
yours, amanda L. at 11:07:00 PM [+]
friday night jdl and andrew bourne and i went off to the orange door gallery where i wandered around happy and mild and patiently explaining my failure at spain to assorted folk; jason laferrera semi-drunk and unruly, banging with his fist on metalmike's noisemaking sculpture until it had erratic dents all over it (to be fair, it was after i cut the fuck out of my hand on one of its edges; five minutes later glancing down absentmindedly to find where the faint pain was located: blood running down from the web of my thumb allover my fingers and wrist, "oh! my hand! is bleeding allover!" "do you want me to beat it up for you?" bang bang bang, and it is attached to electronics that amplify the hits and shakes people give it) and giving wispy a shove to the floor that upset someone's red wine into a large splat mark; before this: running into rob ex-synagogue, who's cellphone andrew and i used to leave loud birthday wishes on shawn thornton's answering machine, shawn in charlottesville with rumors saying he is living in town with a bunch of girls we do not know, and i wish i had thought to leave an audioblog message as well; and outside they are either climbing up onto street signs or pointing out the police next to the street signs who say please get down from there thank you. in andrew's kitchen i fix a series of unholy coctails made from odds and ends in amandaandtoby's liquor cabinet and we tell stories including ones when i live at harrison street with chrissy in the apartment downstairs and the valentine's day party one year where she and jaime and dee and i wore dress after dress, changing into them in my room throughout the evening and then dancing to records in the living room. (was muna hijazi at that party?) i am at first trying to alternate telling stories that shake jason up and then shake andrew up, but andrew is does not ever get shaken up and jason gets too shaken up very quickly and the storytelling starts to spin out of control and we are all a little drunk and hollering everything and it is funny. i miss living at harrison street. our apartment had an enormous roof to run around on and in the summer we would sleep outside on it and wake up damp with birds all over the sky and it would be five in the morning. and shawn in his tiny room painting for nine hours a day and nicholas's room where i had hung a toy airplane and paper birds from the ceiling fan and one time i shot video of them all trembling as the fan turned fast; it was always summer time and very hot.
after all this we go dancing and my memory becomes much more diffused and when i wake up in the morning it is at andrew's house and amanda gives me a biscuit for breakfast which is delicious and i am ill for the rest of the day. it is saturday then, and it suddenly becomes springtime, i lay on a blanket all day reading the bell jar---because i feel i am losing my mind---and eating oranges.
karen telephones often, and she is a rocketship learning web design ultra fast.
yours, amanda L. at 3:48:00 PM [+]
in the day time i help jason laferrera to build the rooms. choosing colors and floors and everything else at lowe's as if i am inside of real life, inside the sims; where the grown ups operate. the rooms, currently, are bright green and light green. its good to paint walls with primary pantoney colors. it feels like you did something to them, you painted them a color not just some shade of what matches the rest and what matches all things etc.
there was a dinner for evrim's melissa on wednesday night, see audio file below.
there was also dinner at ryan's house, and in between those two things photographs in the sunshine with ryan's new old camera, wine and bread and soup, and then the godspeed you black emperor show, nicholas liivak, as well as the driving through the country back to rva.
tonight equals art shows and dancing
i sure could use some dancing
yours, amanda L. at 6:34:00 PM [+]
anda gail lewis 2005. stop crying every day.