Monday, May 26


in general, equilibrium involves a large uncolored surface or an empty space

todays my birthday

yours, amanda L. at 12:54:00 PM [+]

Friday, May 23


how make almost anything class

yours, amanda L. at 12:16:00 PM [+]


it rains so much rain, all the days, each one. i couldn't make it to armstong highschool to teach french because we really so so so need water to live and survive like living things do. living things need water. and i am a living thing that needs water and i am fairly certain andrew bourne is also, at this moment, still alive and needing water. to stay alive and healthy and such.
andrew bourne lives in this large room with me and for the most part is good to be around and says things all day that make me laugh; plays records on the player and sometimes plays drums and now always saying burn it down! alot and telling stories about the library; that sort of thing. in this apartment there are seven stations: the two(2) Beds, the Stereo, the Worktable, the Drums, the Kitchen and the Reading Chair. both of us make crisscrossing shapes walking back and forth between them all. and what i want is to internally make my life more life a kindergarden classroom, and toil away for hours at mildly fun games that have a secret method to building my character and making me better all over. wake up to and within a bright structure and make projects in a supervised but unhesitant atmosphere with my crayons in a labelled cup; but sort of the adult version of this, and some version tailored specifically for my life, and i want to be told at some unknowable point in the future that it all worked out for me and now i am ready for all things

i am not ready for all things

3 rows of dixie cups: one with healthy green plants winding up, labelled with names on masking tape, Kyvonna M., Dyquan, Trey, Johniesha; the second is labelled "no soil" and each cup has a little pile of seeds at the bottom. the third is labelled "no water" and is just a sad row of cups filled one-third with soil. they look dry. nothing grows here

yours, amanda L. at 11:45:00 AM [+]

Monday, May 19


boushall middle school. computer applications, but i get here at 11:30 and the teacher says i don't have any students until 1pm so there is well, internet and you may change the radio station if you like; i catch up, catching, emails, bank accounts, blogger, pitchfork;
all of these things.
they look at each other and share secret faces. to me she says, they are an interesting group, my seventh phase, as long as they are quiet, if they give you problems here are the referral forms, if they are on the internet its alright, they'll do that, i'll hear about it on wednesday if they do, don't worry. and then she says low to him, she's got philip greene in that seventh phase; he raises his eyebrows and tells me he will be in room 207 just pick up the phone (picks up phone) and dial 2-0-7.
you will have an easy day.
it is 12:40 and i am just catching up on computer tasks. sometimes standing up and picking through her desk and files and stacks of papers. i find two computer terminology worksheets (a wordfind and crossword puzzle i like crossword puzzles) and set them aside for jason laferrera. the crossword one is in the shape of a pixelated star. and radio on the desk is playing 105.7 with old motown. when i arrived at the office today the administrators did not look up for five minutes and when i explained myself they just told me the room number and went back to moving things around on their desks and rolling chairs backwards to reach into file cabinets and i sort of backed up into the stairwell looking around for clues. this school, which has no sign out front even, and shaped like many shapes layered on top of each other and with no clues. it is 12:55 i have to stand up and open the door, prop myself up and adjust, straighten, tighten, position. well the truth is, i like falling asleep by myself. what can we infer by this;.

hey where is karen's liftedskirt blog with new style audio?

yours, amanda L. at 12:56:00 PM [+]

Sunday, May 11


how to explain what the crossword puzzle looks like.
telling you a message.

yours, amanda L. at 1:07:00 AM [+]

Saturday, May 3


i have no place, you realize.
but that is changing.

yours, amanda L. at 11:40:00 PM [+]


muna hijazi alleges that i do not update so well. and then
here is what happens. i wake up very, very early; much earlier than muna hijazi, who currently works at a job that i learned backwards and forwards until i knew its precise measurements, particularly the arriving-at-whatever-hour-one-likes-aspect. i do not wake up early enough to eat food or to drink coffee or tea, only enough time to pull on buttoned-down clothing with skirts and perhaps brush my hair. i then arrive at a designated school somewhere at the edges of richmond city, say hello and forget the vice principal's name and gather the key the attendance the anything else; ask a child to show me the way to room something-or-other and know that they will not say no because i am a grown-up, and inside the school the grown-ups are Law. and then the room, i open it with the key, i walk carefully around and run my fingers along its edges and pick up and put down laminated cards and lost worksheets and parts of crayons and try to get centered. i stand still and look at all its sides and its colors and its evidence and breathe deeply, at which point children rush through the doorway with backpacks and perhaps bright orange patrol belts and make automatic movements and i turn to the blackboard, write MS. LEWIS on it, large.

i say goodmorning, and smile for it

there are things you may have forgotten
morning announcments with birthdays
music class and P.E.
the word R E C E S S written on the board and erased letter by letter
laminated things
behavior folders
desks that are yours and no one else's
number lines
and decimals; and can you explain the concept of rounding decimals to whole numbers? and have it make sense? i mean, not the action of it, but as a concept. why on earth would you do this? round the decimals and then multiply the results? what good would it serve? i am at a loss and need my math friends to write me with practical applications. we estimate. it is estimation.
14.35 x 10.78 =
8.51 x 3.13 =
estimate the answers by rounding to the nearest whole number

walking in lines, and getting into line, and line leaders; classroom monitors;

and i do these things, i say no and quiet class is starting and who can raise their hand please and tell me and we are on page 275 of the reading workbook and i have told you once already and sit down
i insist
the day grows louder and falls into a rolling wave pattern with me memorizing names and saying do this for me.
and then i make my way home. i forget money for lunch and do not eat and talk to ladies waiting for obscure city buses numbered 71 or 53, far-away lines, standing in the sun, where everything is squinting and headached or collect myself into cars and

i arrive to someplace where i have no computer of my own and certainly no time to tell stories to it.
and i say to myself, i never have a single minute of time, do i

i will try to finish later

yours, amanda L. at 11:25:00 PM [+]

anda gail lewis 2005. stop crying every day.

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